From firstname.lastname@example.org Thu Apr 25 15:33:51 PDT 1996 Article: 32648 of alt.revisionism Path: nizkor.almanac.bc.ca!news.island.net!vertex.tor.hookup.net!hookup!news.nstn.ca!coranto.ucs.mun.ca!news.unb.ca!geol03.novlab.unb.ca!t08o From: email@example.com (MORRISON KEITH MURRAY) Newsgroups: alt.revisionism Subject: REPOST: The Tales of Hoffman, a Comedy Date: Thu, 25 Apr 1996 13:35:23 GMT Organization: University of New Brunswick Lines: 180 Message-ID:
NNTP-Posting-Host: geol03.novlab.unb.ca This was originally posted in March of 1995. Just so the newer readers here will get some of the jokes the following information should be known: Ross Vicksell, member of CODOH, former frequent poster. Dan Gannon was (in)famous across the net for mass spamming of newsgroups with transcriptions of articles on Revisionism. Michael A Hoffman the 2nd (Hoffie^2 to his non-friends) went where Alexander Baron has gone since, although Baron is slightly more literate. Hoffman was flogging his denier material all the time. Ricardo Joshua was one of the more notable stormtroopers-in-diapers, and finally, You think the duo of Moran and Giwer is strange? Think they are the nuttiest duo since Ludwig Plutonium and Robert MacElwaine? Think no one can possibly be that dumb? Think again. During 1994-1995 Tim "landpost" McCarthy blazed a trail across the firmament of a.r. previously unseen and that Moran is duplicating. Among his more notable gaffes was posting a train schedule that he claimed showed Jews were simply being sent to the East to be resettled when in fact the schedule showed that they were being sent towards the *west*, in the direction of the death camps. Oops. The references in the following article are to Tim's self-proclaimed mastery of German, examples of which caused amazement and hysterical laughter amongst the native and fluent German speakers and to his contention that people went to hockey games in Winnipeg to stare at the large portrait of the Queen in the arena. He frequently, like Giwer, tried to insult Canadians, usually by calling them "Queen Lover" or something. Anyway, enough for the preamble. On with the show. =========================================================================== A Walk in the Denier Side (or, I'm a Denier, He's a Denier, Wouldn't You Like to be a Denier Too?) The young man staggered into the hallowed halls of the Institute for Historical Review and wailed to the assembled Revisionist Scholars, "I cannot take it anymore!" His Peer Ricky looked at him curiously. "What is the problem my friend?" "The anti-revisionists," the boy cried. "I give the the messages you have given me and use the techniques perscribed in the holy Journal of Historical Review but they still make me look like a fool!" "How so?" questioned the Mavin, Raven, wandering over to hear. (oops. 'mavin' is from Yiddish and Hebrew) "How so?" questioned the Expert, Raven, wandering over to hear. "It's not my fault," the boy sobbed. "They keep asking for facts and names and dates and documents and they talk of things I cannot understand like 'convergence of evidence', 'accepted historical techniques' and 'reference'. Why did you not warn me?" Raven sighed. "We thought someone new would be able to get away with presenting our points unchallenged. Although we should have known better." He motioned toward the figure lurching down the hall, wearing a Napolean costume, drooling and mumbling incoherently. "Poor Tim was never the same." "But I believe in your word but I find myself challenged to do something which causes a pain in my head." Cole walked over and shook his head. "Thinking. The downfall of all good believers in revisionism. I told you, Greg, our selection process must be refined to eliminate this trait among the faithful. How about we give them The Leuchter Report to read, and if they believe that garbage, they pass." "But the Leuchter Report is real," replied Raven, Ricky and Ross. "No it isn't." "Yes it is!" they chorused. "Not it isn't." "Yes it is!" "NO IT ISN'T!" "YES IT IS!" Gannon rushed by at that moment, yelling out for a scanner. "New stuff," he yelled, "New stuff I can post and prove that they're all wrong!" "What is it?" Cole yelled after him. "The Leuchter Report!" Gannon yelled back as he entered the copy room. Cole slapped his forehead. "Oy vey," he groaned and looked around. He saw several dozen pairs of eyes narrowed and staring at him. "Ah, I mean Mien Gott," he said hastily. Milton lowered his toy Schmeisser and went back to typing his term paper. The boy curled up into the fetal position and began to suck his thumb. "An 'ey 'ost 'ese 'estions 'a I canna' ans'er." "What?" He pulled his thumb from his mouth. "They post these questions I cannot answer. And they ask for what really happened. What shall I do?" "Ignore them," everyone replied. "But that isn't right!" the boy protested. "Wimp," Milton muttered to himself. "Son, remember the creed you took. Truth is what we determine, honesty is what we determine, might is right and the sun never sets on Revisionism." Tim, wandering by singing 'La Marseillaise', heard the phrase lifted >from a British reference and began screaming "Queen-lover! Queen-lover!" as he ran headfirst through a plate glass window. The boy looked around, his eyes open for the first time. "You're all crazy," he whispered. "You do not tell the truth." "Truth is relative..." Ross began to preach. The boy stood up. "You are all lying, aren't you?" There was a murmer among the assembled revisionists and they shifted nervously around. Faurisson wandered around with his hands in his pockets, staring at the ceiling and whistling. Zuendel focussed his attention on his model UFO and Hoffman resumed filling his pockets with bumper stickers to sell on the beach. They were nice bumber stickers, proclaiming in big black letters "Stop People From Making Money off the Holocaust!". And at only two bucks apiece, they were a great deal. "That's it isn't it?" the boy yelled angrily. "I've been made a fool of because they *are* telling the truth!" At that moment a car screeched to a halt beside the front door and three men in trenchcoats jumped out brandishing guns. "Raven!" one bellowed, "I want my money!" "Shit, it's Carto," Cole gasped. Raven shook his head. "Not again. Well, get the camera ready. We'll blame this one on the ADL." "We blamed the last one on the ADL." "Okay, Mossad or something. I don't care. Blame it on someone Jewish." The boy turned away disgusted as a fistfight broke out among the Revisionists behind him. Sighing heavily, he trudged home and mentally composed the apology he would post tomorrow, his heart heavy at being decieved by such a bunch of incompetant idiots. He turned the corner and disappeared, just as Tim, now stark naked, ran down the middle of the street screaming "I speaken Deutsche good! I speaken Deutsche good!" -- Keith Morrison | Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and this firstname.lastname@example.org | beholder thinks you're ugly as sin.
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