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From Sat Jul  1 13:35:41 EDT 2006
Article: 1128215 of alt.revisionism
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From: Sara Salzman 
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Subject: The Latest News From Ernst Zundel
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MANNHEIM: June 26: VNN: In a suit filed today in the European Court of 
Human Rights from his prison cell in Mannheim, Germany neo-Nazi Ernst 
Zundel echoes Andrew Marvell's observation that stone walls do not a 
prison make nor iron bars a cage. Zundel claims that the toilet 
facilities in the German prison in which he is currently incarcerated 
constitute torture under international law. He claims that, in fact, his 
new commode represent a violation of his basic human rights. The latest 
chapter in the epic of Zundel's continuing tilt with the windmill of 
history commenced when Zundel was moved to a new cell to facilitate his 
transport to the court room where his legal hearings are held.

According to Zundel his durance became vile as he contemplated his new 
surroundings. As Zundel told this reporter "I was admiring the fine 
German mold on the fine German stone walls" when his eyes fixed with 
horror on the commode provided in his new home. Rather than the "fine 
German porcelain" with which his previous cell had been furnished, 
Zundel was confronted by a crapper manufactured in France.

Zundel declares: "I knew immediately that this was another attack on the 
Zundelkeister by the Zionist monsters who occupy Germany." He explains 
that a proper Aryan bowel movement on a traditional Teutonic crapper is 
a key element of National Socialist superiority. Zundel expounds"Der 
Grosse Kaker" as Zundel affectionately calls Adolf Hitler "understood 
this. The whole word wondered at his virtuoso performances on his German 
commode.. If I am forced to use this monstrous French contraption I will 
pollute my Precious Bodily Fluids and become as decadent as my Talmudic 
foes." In addition to this lawsuit, Zundel is refusing to defecate until 
he is provided with a German toilet.

"I am not just doing this for myself," Zundel proclaims, "I am doing it 
for Germany and for the basic human rights of Germans everywhere. I am 
only following in the traditions of Mahatma Gandhi and Nelson Mandela in 
insisting on my people's right to have a Teutonic toilet."

When reached for comment, Ingrid Rimland, the wife of Ernst Zundel, was 
hunched over her computer organizing a protest in support of her 
husband's position and wearing a tee shirt emblazoned with the motto 
"POOP FREE OR DIE." Rimland is asking her "thousands" of supporters to 
mail rolls of toilet paper to German embassies. "They will learn that 
the whole world is watching them." she explained.

"It is amazing," Rimland states, "how certain people - you know who they 
are -- incessantly whine about some minor inconveniences, mostly 
imaginary, they claim to have experienced at Auschwitz but are 
responsible for inflicting these horrific tortures on their enemies." 
Rimland claimed that there had been several attempts to sabotage the 
"Zundeljohn" which the authorities have refused to investigate.

After making this declaration, Rimland curled up in a fetal position 
amid a litter of empty Prozac bottles and limited her responses to 
repeating "Oh, the horror! Oh, the humanities!" over and over again. 
After some prodding with a sharp stick Rimland moaned "Oh, my poor 
Ernie! The Talmudists are forcing him to plant the Zundelbutt on a 
French commode." Rimland also insisted that one Mark Weber, her official 
"spokesfuhrer," would provide all other comment.

Speaking for Zundel, Mark Weber, proprietor of the Institute of 
Hysterical Retards, emphasized how important bowel movements are to 
National Socialists. "Zundel is absolutely right," he said, "Hitler 
taught us that proper colon cleansing is as vital to the health of the 
nation as it is to the health of the individual." He then offered to 
show this reporter his personal collection of stool samples from 
important figures in the Third Reich which, he claims, domonstrate the 
superiority of Aryan feces.

After a pause while Weber groomed his toothbrush mustache and 
straightened his swastika armband he told this reporter that"Hitler 
could not have conquered Poland without proper defecation and good 
German commodes were mandated for the SS. Look what happened during the 
Russian campaign when they improvised and relied on captured Soviet 

Weber sighed and took a deep breath before he concluded his remarks with 
a ringing declaration. "International Jewry has always recognized the 
virtue of a National Socialist dump. National Socialists are the 
greatest shitters to world has ever known. We Revisionists carry on that 
tradition - and we won't let the Zionists take it away from us."

Zundel will be represented in this lawsuit by Attorney Sylvia Stolz. She 
will be assisted by Horst Mahler and the ghost of Roland Friesler who 
she channels through a Ouija board once owned by Heinrich Himmler. Stolz 
intends to argue her usual legal position, developed by Mahler. That the 
current German government does not exist, that the only real law that 
applies to Germans is the volk law of , and that any judge who states 
otherwise should be hung from a meathook with piano wire.

Stoltz claims that Zundel's defense team will present a variety of 
experts on the importance of pooping to National Socialist. They will, 
further, demonstrate to the European tribunal that forcing Zundel to 
defecate into a French receptacle is part of a plot by International 
Jewry to corrupt Zundel's identity as a German and a National Socialist. 
Stoltz states that these experts will include Arthur Butz, who will 
testify about the technical superiority of National Socialist crappers, 
Germar Rudolf, who will testify about the potential toxic shock of 
taking a dump on a French contraption, and Fredrick Toben, who is an 
expert on National Socialist turds.

Stoltz also states that since this case has been brought in a European 
jurisdiction rather than a German court, Stoltz will additionally argue 
that Salic law should apply since the Holy Roman Empire was never 
officially dissolved. Stoltz reserves the right to have any jurist who 
disagrees with her hung from a meathook with piano wire.

The Attorney General of the Holy Roman Empire could not be reached for 

My name is not "Fatbury Scumbag" you stupid lying Jew bastard. Name call 
is all a pathetic loser like you has! You have yet to prove me wrong 
you dirty filthy lying Jew bastard! 
     --Scott Bradbury, who completely misses the irony of the above 

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